Monday, November 24, 2008

Keeping My Sundaes Light

Comedian Horatio Sanz Has Dropped About 100 Pounds

"I’ve been trying to come up with a joke about how I’ve lost weight and I was going to say, 'I stopped putting nuts in my sundaes.'"

Read more in New York Magazine

That's the funniest thing I've heard in a while. I love Horatio. His chubbiness was part of his act though, ala Chris Farley -- weird to imagine him doing some of my favorite SNL skits as a skinny man. If i had to write a thesis again, I'd write it on the correlation between weight and comedic performance. Physical comedy just isn't the same if no extremes are involved - be it ultra chubbiness, ultra lanky, ultra short etc. Wonder if Horatio is going to have to re-invent himself as a comedian? Or maybe I should stop with my sociological analysis of weight loss, and just be happy that there are more nuts at McDonald's now for my chocolate sundae. 

Saturday, November 22, 2008

BPL Offers New Service

Announced on the loudspeaker at Brooklyn Public Library: "Have you always wanted to be a US citizen, but never knew how, THEN TODAY IS YOUR DAY! Come see us at the front desk to pickup your immigration papers!"

What's the deal library? Citizenship isn't a 99 cent wings special.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Pizza Stalking Makes Me Happy

I don't consider myself a fatty, but I do like my pizza a whole lot, and I especially like it when Domino's tells me how far along my pizza is in the pizza making process, and exactly when I'm going to get it, and who is going to deliver it! It's too good to be true! This is how it went down: I order a pizza from my nearby Domino's, the phone order lady tells me to track my pizza. track my pizza?! what is my pizza doing that I have to track it?! Anyway, I go on to get to the bottom of it, and enter my phone number under the pizza tracker tab and bam! there's my order. The tracker shows where your pizza is on a 5 step timeline: order placed, prep, bake, box, delivery. I refreshed the webpage continuously for a good 30 minutes until I saw that my pizza was safe and sound in Mohammed's car on the way to my house. Thank god...I got a little nervous there for a little bit when my pizza was loitering in the box stage. Anyway, you read it right - they tell you your delivery guy's name! While calling Mohammed by name when he knocked on the door might have weirded him out (Apparently not everyone monitors their pizza's every move), I think we bonded. Way to go Dominos! Your pizza isn't that tasty, but you sure as hell know how to pizza stalk. 

Monday, November 17, 2008

Literate Dating, Eharmony, they've got nothing on "silent dating." Well, at least if you like to meet people via cute, square paper notes. According to their website (, this is for the set who are tired of "yelling" at your potential target at you local bar. So instead, they pass along little notes, perhaps even "mischievous" notes, as their website describes it. Now, I hate yelling at people at bars, but I also enjoy talking way too much to just focus on writing lame notes back and forth. I thought this might be a good idea at first - after all, it is a guaranteed way to keep me from telling the story of my life on the first date. And it's always much easier to write "your gold pinky ring grosses me out, back off" than to say "hey, your gold pinky ring grosses me out, back off." All in all though, your voice and most importantly, your intonation, says a lot about who your are. Give it a try tomorrow: take a joke someone makes and try different ways of saying it in your head. I'm telling you, a joke can go from awesome to lame town USA in a second. Let me know what you think of the quiet parties, oh, and check out these photos (click on photos and quotes) and let me know if you see a common element among the clientele.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Non-Potential Friends

Look, I know Kindles are old news, but I just recently saw two people with it in the subway and I just can't understand why you'd own such a thing. You are still holding a big, chunky instrument, so why not hold a hard cover (or soft cover, for that matter) book, that has some sort of substance to it? I mean, if you like to read, don't you get joy from buying (or borrowing) books and knowing that between those covers lies a great story? Scrolling pages on a screen will never resemble the real thing, no matter what Kindle-makers say. Needless to say, Kindles make me angry. And those who buy them, and use them, are non-potential friends in my book. Similar to guys who wear backwards visors.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Good for Nothing Plastic Beads Re-energized as UV Detectors

Concern about rising skin cancer rates has prompted Canadian swimwear company Solestrom to design a bikini with an in-built UV meter. The "Smart-Swim Bikini", due to go on sale next month, measures UV intensity and displays it on scale from 0 to 20. Anything above 11 is considered "extreme", and a reading between three and five a "moderate" level of risk. When the reading gets too high, the bikini alerts the wearer with a beeping alarm, warning the sunworshipper to cover up.

For the more fashion-conscious, "in an ongoing quest to merge fashion and technology", as the company's website puts it, Solestrom has an alternate range with beads that change colour according to UV levels.

Obama McCain Dance-Off

Palin makes an appearance at the end... don't miss it!

Monday, November 3, 2008

McCain's Senior Aide Keeps It Real

Mark Salter, senior aide to John McCain, known for his gruff demeanor, was practically giddy this morning on the campaign plane. Salter, the tempo of his voice increasing with each word, smiled as he described his own mood. “A little hard getting out of bed,” he said, quickly adding: “But eight cups of coffee and a half a pack of cigarettes later, I’m feeling pretty good myself.” When asked how he was planning to get through the marathon seven-state day, Salter quipped: “Crystal meth. Me, personally, that’s how I’m going to do it.” (WSJ)