Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Very Big Lobsters Have Claws As Big As Your Face

Lobsters, like humans, come in all shapes and sizes. Except lobsters get bigger as they age, and people don't. Thank God. Or else Boca Raton would have to be some sort of giant's paradise with massive bagels the size of truck tires.

Anyway, apparently New York City is dealing with a much bigger problem than SNL's perfection-filled parody of their blind commander-in-chief. What's the problem you ask? An influx of really, really big lobsters. Within the last two months, I've read about two (2) 20 lb lobsters that were being released after their respective restaurant owners started to feel bad about keeping them in tiny tanks. Are lobsters eating the same hormone-pumped meat that's making our butts too big for TV? What's up lobsters? You weren't this big a few years ago.

First there was George: A 20-pound lobster, who was said to be 140-years-old and was released from City Crab and Seafood on Park Avenue after owners caved into protests and released Jorge into Maine waters.

Then, there's Craig: Also 20 pounds, but 60 years younger than George. Craig was purchased by owners of Halu Japanese Restaurant and Grill in Dyker Heights just last week, who started to feel bad for their purchase and later decided to release him in Maine. Oh and also, his claws are larger than a person's face - at least that's what every article about this topic chose to emphasize.

Good for you Craig and George. Finally, a positive news story. Why are big lobsters named after old Jewish men? Wouldn't it be more appropriate if they had Native American names, like Craig Big Claw, George Silent Killer or even, you know, Heavy D or C, or Big Punisher?

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