SkyMall: You Like?

On a recent flight from New York to Miami, I realized that SkyMall catalogs have become increasingly more ridiculous – not just any kind of ridiculous – Richard Simmons, sweating to the oldies, ridiculous. Is there something about a plane that makes people want a 6 feet resin big foot in their garden (see below)? On dry land, none of that s*#%t would fly. No pun intended.

If you are feeling like Santa Claus wasn’t quite good to you this year, here’s a few items you should be thankful for not receiving:

1. Flair Hair Visor – Adult ($24.99)
“Instantly give yourself a head-turning new 'do and amuse friends-- and strangers! Shield your face at game and outdoor events in this fun visor with a brown, gray or blonde shock of hair up top...Machine wash and dry. Pat.”
Doesn’t this look like a furry teddy bear dove into your brain head first? I’d like to buy this just so I can wash it and “pat” my ‘do back into shape.

2. Big Foot Garden Sculpture ($98.95)
“With his characteristically big feet, our over two-foot- tall Garden Yeti will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative gardening style!”
Customer review on Skymall.com: “We have purchased this gift for many of our friends and they are really good friends...We have also had our friends dress him/her up according to the season."

If I had a yeti, I’d dress him up like Carmen Miranda. I'd give him a North Face fleece in the winter of course.

3. Basho the Sumo Wrestler Table ($225)
No description needed.
I heard this is back-ordered in Japan. They can’t get enough of it. Wait, can you imagine the "back side" of this table? Uhh.

4. Portable Desk ($39.99)
“When you have work to do, having no place to sit is no longer a problem. Now you can use your laptop standing or even walking with this portable desk.”
This is perfect for getting a little work done as I stand in line for chicken McNuggets at McDonald's. What can I say, I’m a nuggnut. This is also perfect for when you’re in the mood for getting punched in the face.

5. The Slanket ($44.99)
“Put your arms in the 13" -wide sleeves and then turn pages, type, knit or do anything else with your hands without uncovering your body.”
It doesn’t get any sexier than this. Hands down. I know if I caught my man in this green fleece bag playing PlayStation, I'd be all over it.

Merry Christmas!!

Keep it coming SkyMall! I only have a few hundred left until I can afford the blow-up pool trampoline.