Thursday, December 25, 2008

SkyMall: You Like?

On a recent flight from New York to Miami, I realized that SkyMall catalogs have become increasingly more ridiculous – not just any kind of ridiculous – Richard Simmons, sweating to the oldies, ridiculous. Is there something about a plane that makes people want a 6 feet resin big foot in their garden (see below)? On dry land, none of that s*#%t would fly. No pun intended.

If you are feeling like Santa Claus wasn’t quite good to you this year, here’s a few items you should be thankful for not receiving:

1. Flair Hair Visor – Adult ($24.99)
“Instantly give yourself a head-turning new 'do and amuse friends-- and strangers! Shield your face at game and outdoor events in this fun visor with a brown, gray or blonde shock of hair up top...Machine wash and dry. Pat.”
Doesn’t this look like a furry teddy bear dove into your brain head first? I’d like to buy this just so I can wash it and “pat” my ‘do back into shape.

2. Big Foot Garden Sculpture ($98.95)
“With his characteristically big feet, our over two-foot- tall Garden Yeti will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative gardening style!”
Customer review on “We have purchased this gift for many of our friends and they are really good friends...We have also had our friends dress him/her up according to the season."
If I had a yeti, I’d dress him up like Carmen Miranda. I'd give him a North Face fleece in the winter of course.

3. Basho the Sumo Wrestler Table ($225)
No description needed.
I heard this is back-ordered in Japan. They can’t get enough of it. Wait, can you imagine the "back side" of this table? Uhh.

4. Portable Desk ($39.99)
“When you have work to do, having no place to sit is no longer a problem. Now you can use your laptop standing or even walking with this portable desk.”
This is perfect for getting a little work done as I stand in line for chicken McNuggets at McDonald's. What can I say, I’m a nuggnut. This is also perfect for when you’re in the mood for getting punched in the face.

5. The Slanket ($44.99)
“Put your arms in the 13" -wide sleeves and then turn pages, type, knit or do anything else with your hands without uncovering your body.”
It doesn’t get any sexier than this. Hands down. I know if I caught my man in this green fleece bag playing PlayStation, I'd be all over it.

Merry Christmas!!
Keep it coming SkyMall! I only have a few hundred left until I can afford the blow-up pool trampoline.

1 comment:

Fred said...

I like the Sumo one.