I was watching an unmentionable show at the gym today where each contestant had to bring one item they can't live without - and one contestant brought his murse. I don't know where I've been, but that was the first time I've ever heard that term for a man purse. How did I miss out on that?! Anyway, I got home and started doing some research on murses and kablam, I came across this:
I don't know what Russki Beat is saying, but he sure knows how to work a cocktail purse. What's the big deal with murses anyway? If I was a man, I'd have a murse. I mean c'mon, where are men supposed to store their beef jerkey and other manly items? Would you prefer this:
Japan! C'mon. Birth planning program?! This isn't how you make babies! You can't just shut down their terminals, turn off the heat and expect them to go home to make sexy time. We know you like robots, but if you want more Japanese tykes, how about a little romance?
Japan, if you are listening, below are my recommendations to amp up your birth planning program:
1. T - 1 hour: Distribute sake shots to employees.
2. T - half hour: Start dimming the lights to set the mood. Follow with a Japanese rendition of "I'll Make Love To You" by Boyz II Men over the loudspeaker.
3. T - fifteen minutes: We have two options at this stage. Flash "suggestive" photos every 30 seconds on employees' computers as they rush to finalize their budget memos before shutdown. Or, the respective company's CEO can also choose to read one chapter of his/her favorite Harlequin romance over the loudspeaker. (Harlequin is huge in Japan btw).
4. T- 0 minutes: Shut down lights, heat, computers. Hand out goody bags to employees filled with branded "giveaways." Canon lube, Canon oysters (c'mon, they are aphrodisiacs), Canon...I'll stop here.
5. Last but not least, to keep everyone honest, each employee will record how much sex they had the night before on a public "birth planning" Excel worksheet. At the end of the month, the winners gets a free 2 hour karaoke session.
6. If you see no significant increase in Japan's birth rate at this point, it is time to take drastic measures. Make better use of those sleep pods (i.e., capsule hotels) you created and install them directly in a designated area in your company, lets say, the champagne room. That way, you can keep the baby-making in-house and limit the hours of lost productivity resulting from closing your offices at 5.
Ok, I could go on with this topic forever, so I'll stop. I just want to give a shout out to the most adorable Japanese tykes I've ever seen at the end of this video. Holla!
All You is your every day women's magazine. It stays on top of the latest quick and healthy dinners, 10 symptoms you should never ignore and of course, tips on how to look good at every age. In their latest issue, they also offer an innovative way to commit suicide while moisturizing your lips:
"Soften your pout: coat lips with petroleum jelly, then cover mouth with plastic wrap. After 5 minutes, remove wrap and scrub your lips with a soft toothbrush."
Unfortunately, most readers won't make it to the scrubbing with a soft toothbrush step. Am I the only one who doesn't understand how this is logistically possible without losing consciousness? I think I'll just keep applying ChapStick every 10 minutes like a 12 -year-old girl who collects Lip Smackers and smells of grape, bubble gum and strawberry banana.
Pathmark Atlantic Center is like no other place on earth. Every other Sunday, I head over there knowing that I'm just setting myself up for a complete nonsense show. The cart to people ratio is probably 20 to 1, the vegetable misters misfire sometimes and shoot you in the face, the average wait time to check out is around 35 minutes and there is always the risk of a Kool-Aid spill induced fall. That's why I shouldn't have been surprised by this gem I came across this past Sunday: Pathmark has taken it upon themselves to rename Shady Brook Farms Turkey Meatballs...
That's right. Shady meatballs. For $3.99. Pathmark, I love you. And I will continue to return to you on a bi-weekly basis in search for affordable Morning Star products, unnecessaryharassment by your employees, and of course, shady meatballs.
P.S.: Atlantic Center is also home to the worst Target you've ever set your eyes on. Thanks to FIPS for this behind the scenes expose.
Just tell me this. Why is there a "growing national demand" for wings? Click on the link to learn more about what Niagara Falls is doing to address this pending national crisis.
Also tell me this. Why are there Asian establishments named "Wing Fat?" The dry cleaners down the street from me is named Wing Fat cleaner, because as we all know, there is nothing like a little wing fat to get that pesky stain out.
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