Crying Japanese Babies

A competition held in Hiroshima where giant sumo wrestlers get little babies to cry. The baby that cries the quickest and loudest wins. Japan, I think you are taking it too far, no? I've been accused of having a Japan obsession, but with content like this, a girl can't help herself.

Edward Scissorhands Gets Laid Off, Gets a Hobby

"Today, I constructed my own wolverine claws then I proceeded to pounce on cardboard boxes like a baby cat all day long, because nothing says power like cutting through a box."

I can watch :26 all night long and not get tired of it. This man built fake wolverine claws (problem #1, unless you are a wolverine or have a lawn and gardening business), jumped off a kiddy trampoline (problem #2), catching approximately 2 feet of air, and landed fist first into his lethal target, a cardboard box (problem #3). I'm not suggesting you slash a human to make this more life-like, but at least put those claws to good use and tear up that god awful couch.

Who let the dogs out, and ironed them on your jacket?

To apologize for a week of no blog posts, I thought only a swinetastic jacket would do. Please note that Lassie is winking... at you. Enjoy. 

If Blossom and Family Matters were still on the air, even Ahmadinejad would have a soft spot for the US

I don't know why I'm on his blast from the past kick - first Alf, now Blossom, Six and Urkel - but hey, they don't make intros like this anymore. Hell, they don't make sitcoms anymore. If Blossom was on TV today, she'd be doing those dance moves in a bikini, holding scorpions while balancing on a tight rope. Down with reality TV! Except Rock of Love and Tough Love because those shows should have TV tenure. Don't judge me.

WARNING: Never Look a Gorilla in the Eye!

A gorilla named Bokito escaped from Rotterdam Zoo recently. During his escape the animal attacked a female visitor, who had frequent eye contact with the animal. This presumably led to the attack, since gorillas do not like direct eye contact. They're giving these glasses away at the Rotterdam Zoo following the incident. 

These could be useful in so many situations. The zoo is not one of them.

am Zoo after a woman was attacked by a gorilla she made eye contact with. These could be useful in so many situation.

Presidential Pirate Killers

Happy Easter!

Note to America

Dear America,

Just wanted to remind you that a short time ago, we used to watch this on prime time TV - like it was normal to live with a furry monster man who talked on the phone a lot and made you ham sandwiches.

Have a good night,
Me

P.S.: Should I be Alf for Halloween?

Tool of Year

"My card doesn't fit in a Rolodex, because it doesn't belong in a Rolodex!"

The Future of Plastic Surgery

Japan is better than the rest of the world in basically everything. This boob machine basically takes the cake. You've got it going on Japan, I'm not going to lie. Keep it up. 

Picture of the Week 3.27.09

Where do I start?

Just Kick It!

Ahh, dude, you're out of freedom fries? Give me the Obama Fingers then.

Obama-Fingers (w/curry sauce): Germany's homage to our new president 

"It was supposed to be a homage to the American lifestyle and the new US president," said... Judith Witting, sales manager for Sprehe... "Americans are more relaxed. Not like us stiff Germans, like (Chancellor Angela) Merkel."

WAIT...IT GETS BETTER. Judith adds:

The idea, she claimed, was to get in on the Obama-mania which is continuing to grip Germany. The word "fingers" in the name refers to the fact that it is a finger food. "It's like hotdogs," Witting said. "No one would ever think they are actually from dogs."

Wait, these aren't Obama's fingers? Coated and fried? No thanks then. 

Wal-Mart's Latest Combo Deal: Buy a Wallet, Get 10 Teeth

FALMOUTH, Mass. — A customer shopping at a Walmart in Falmouth told store workers he found 10 human teeth in a wallet he was about to purchase.

Police said the man found the teeth Saturday when he unzipped a compartment in the wallet. One tooth had a filling.
The customer turned the wallet and the teeth over to employees but left the store without giving his name.
Police investigating the incident told The Cape Cod Times that the teeth belong to an adult, but since there was no blood or gum tissue on the teeth, they would be unable to perform DNA tests.

A Walmart spokeswoman said the company believes it was an "isolated incident," but will investigate.

-- Associated Press

Butt Implants Make it Big on Local TV; Reporter Loses Control

If you have a tiny bum, I'm all for butt implants. However, I am not all for having butt implants as headliners on local news. Actually, what am I talking about. This video is beautiful insanity at its greatest. The reporter completely loses control, which is perfectly understandable with the b-roll the station decided to air. Why on earth did the implantee need to keep poking at it to demonstrate the problem?
Why not jut buy yourself some of these?

Picture of the Week 3.3.09

March is Women's History Month so it is a perfect time to remind all the ladies out there that if you want to avoid unwanted and unwarranted drunken kisses, the uglier, the better.

"Oh someone is down..."

Watch as New York's PIX 11 reports on these crazy women during Filene's Running of the Brides and half way through, their camera man catches footage of one of them on the ground. The reaction is priceless. I was at Filene's Union Square yesterday, one day after this fiasco, and the fitting room attendants told me they had to blow off some steam after what they had gone through with the brides. What method did they choose? They were using the store intercom to page celebrities - just while I was in the store, I heard pages for Cameron Diaz, Sylvester Stallonne, and Sean Combs. Each followed by a burst of laughs from Filene's staff. Thumbs up to you Filene's staff - I like it!



On a separate note, This video makes me very sad to be a lady.

Resumes Don't Get Better Than This

This little beauty was submitted to Boosh magazine for an editorial position.  Enjoy!

******

Desire: 

Looking for position as editorial writer at top-notch premier publication.

Salary:
$37,000 or higher (This is slightly negotiable depending of size of publication).

Objective:
To ascertain a highly fulfilling level of happiness and to dominate competition on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. I want to be the best at everything I do, whether it be to get you a Starbucks coffee or to negotiate a multi-billion dollar merger between international juggernauts.

Education:
Mesa State College- Grand Junction, CO
Bachelor of Communication. 2004-2008
Minor in Song Composition.

Experience:

2007 to present: Wal-Mart supply/ customer service management associate.
- Responsible for overseeing stock levels in workout solutions department on a daily basis.
- Proficient in assisting customers with questions regarding function of equipment.
- Approach each day with a friendly, calm and non-violent demeanor.

2005-2007: Fuzzy Bunny’s Dance Bar.
- Bartender, bouncer and marketing representative.
- Excelled at managing female employees schedules while monitoring their interaction with customers.
- Obtained excellent interpersonal skills and developed very influential and life long relationships.

2004: Fashion Editor for Mesa State College Criterion.
- Worked closely with top fashion icons in Grand Junction and Mesa State College to discover and write about new emerging trends in country western apparel.
- Was highly revered in community and was offered salary position at Billy’s Boot Depot as executive purchasing director.

2003 and earlier: Unemployed due to enrollment in High School.

Awards:
06/2008:
- Grand Junction Wal-Mart Employee of the Month. Demonstrated ability of overachieve.

Fall Semester, 2004:
- Recognized by Mesa State Cowgirl Club as Mr. Country Western Fashion.

Skills:
- Superior Negotiation, calm bartering, uncanny ability to make people laugh, can lift 80 lbs barbells, strive to show up to work on time and extreme likeability.

UnbeWEAVEable!

First and foremost, did FOX just call this segment UnbeWEAVEable? I'm semi disgusted and semi amused by FOX's unexpected wit. Now to the fact that a woman's weave stopped a bullet aimed at her head by her ex-boyfriend, Juan. Lots of problems with this one, particularly the fact that this woman was dodging bullets, Point-Break style, coming from her boyfriend. But why focus on the negative when there is a much more worthwhile lesson to this story: weave wearers all over the country now know that they are not only paying for long, luscious locks, they are also paying for a fashion-forward bullet proof helmet in case you are ever caught in a shootout.
The FBI and National Police Commission should make weaves mandatory for all field employees, men and women alike. I don't know about you but knowing that my dome is safe would make me feel a lot better when patrolling gang territory.

Picture of the Week 2.19.09

A CVS employee's idea of a good joke.